Baby Ivan Made Me Cry

It was yesterday, Monday, holiday, and I’m at home taking care of Ivan. My mother-in-law went to her friend’s house to play mahjong. My husband, I don’t know where he goes. Maybe he goes with his mother.

Baby Ivan slept at around 11am after he drank his milk. At 12pm, I went outside the room to get my lunch and bring it inside the bedroom. Unfortunately, Ivan woke up and cried. I carried him and made him sleep. I opened the aircon because it’s too hot. I called the maid to close the windows and the door. As the maid closed the door, Ivan opened his eyes and thought it was his grandma (my mother-in-law).

He started crying non-stop!!! Then he stopped for a few seconds, then cried again, then stopped for a few seconds, then cried again. I thought that a milk would do the trick. I gave him a 7ml milk again. He drank his milk, then cried, then on his milk, then cried. I don’t know what to do. He’s looking for his grandma.

My time with Ivan is when I went home after office hours which is around starting at 7:30pm or 9pm, up to morning around 8am or 9am. Mother-in-law’s rounds would be the rest of the day that I’m not around. This schedule of taking care of Ivan is from Monday to Saturday. Ivan spends most of his time with his grandma. And most of the time that he’s with me, he is sleeping! I prepare his milk 2 times at night in between my sleeps. I also change his diaper. I also sometimes check if he’s still at the bed or if he’s awake.

Ok, back to the story. This time, he’s calling out his grandma. He’s shouting “ah-maaaaaa” which means grandma. This broke my heart. And I started crying.

He can say “ba-baaaa” or sometimes “ba-byeeeee” as his first word. And his 2nd word is “ah-ma”!!! I know it shouldn’t break my heart. He spends most of the time with his ah-ma. What makes me cry is that he won’t stop crying. He kept on saying ah-ma. And I kept on telling him that mama is here. I felt ignored.

I got a little frustrated. I put him on the floor but Ivan hold my hands. He’s still calling his ah-ma. He’s looking at my face, trying to grab me, but I pushed him softly. I was yelling at him, “You want ah-ma? Ah-ma isn’t here! Ah-ma is playing mahjong! Mama is here. You don’t want mama? Fine! Go to your ah-ma!” The pushing made him cry more.

You might think that Ivan’s calling of ah-ma might mean mama. No, it’s Ivan’s habit when it’s daytime and he woke up but still sleepy, and he didn’t see his ah-ma, he would cry non-stop.

I think I am pushing him for about half a minute. I really got frustrated! Then I gave in. I held him tight and told him in a soft voice, “Mama is here.” He stopped crying. I carried him to the bed and made him drink his milk. I think he got the message.

I cried not only because he seems to ignore me, but because it’s like so unfair for me to be ignored like that. I am earning more than my husband. I always say “yes” to my husband and to my mother-in-law. I listen to what they want and ignore and just kept what I want to myself. It’s always them! And now, my baby is ignoring me!

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A few hours before I’m writing this post, my Ivan was kind of crying. He’s looking for me!!! But there’s a scenario to write which would be on the next post.

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