Bad Mood!!!

I wonder… do husbands playfully joke on calling their wife with bad words??? I really hate it when my husband does that. He even told me that “hanggang salita ka lang.” I was thinking, what did I do, I mean, what did I didn’t do for him to say that.

He always tell me “piaw-si-eh-di” (t*ng-in* mo talaga), and it’s a joke!!! And I hate that. I had talked to him about that countless of times. I even cried because I felt so alone. There are times when I want to go out with some guy friends just to feel that there are still some who do care about me, even for temporary time. I mean we’ll dine out and watch a movie. I don’t experience that with my husband, although we dine out when we’re not yet married.

Lately, I wear our wedding ring since I got thinner and the ring fits my finger again. I don’t take it off. And now, the ring is above my baby’s milk can, on the living room. I want to wait if I would feel alright the next day or two. I was also planning to sleep in the living room tonight and make him take care of our Ivan (since he said that I don’t do what I said). But still, I can’t leave my Ivan to him. F*ck with the Chinese culture of only the woman take care of the baby during night time! It makes my husband an idiot when it comes to taking care of babies during night time.

I cry a lot but I am strong. I am a nagger but I still let others do what they want, even if sometimes it’s something that is not right. I try to love my life, but for real, I hate it. I have my Ivan, but still there’s something missing, a husband that won’t call me names like “piggy” in front of his parents, and won’t talk to me and tell me those bad words. He sounds like he’s not joking, but he is, well I’m not really sure.

I don’t regret my life before I met him. Now, even though we have some happy moments, there’s this portion on my heart that regrets about marrying this guy. He’s a good son, a good brother, a good relative, a good friend, a good association member, a good father. But a good husband? He is a good husband, but not really as good as that. Get my point?

I sometimes told him, at their house (his and his parent’s, even though we rent this house), I am not a wife, but a daughter-in-law.

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